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[guitar riff] It's the final author's note!
Chapter Eleven
— I tried to work intentionally around what Hyunjin is feeling when, and how he describes those feelings. Early on in the chapter, he's really stuck in his own head and the preoccupation about the letter in his pocket keeps popping up in the narration. Interactions with other characters are largely on autopilot.
— Felix pressing a kiss to Chan's cheek "like a stamp" is intentional imagery mirroring Chan's letter to him.
— The Minsung situation is legally VERY flimsy and handwave-y, but this is a romcom! And an Austen adaptation at that! I needed the focus to be on what they did to cover up their relationship, not on the ins and outs of why they needed to do it in the first place.
— Hyunjin makes a lot of mistakes in this story. His relationship with Minho is not necessarily one of them. He didn't know, and the sense of betrayal and fury is meant to be real and justified. It's MESSY. And I think anyone in his position would be acting rashly. It's a catalyst for a lot of feelings to come out and he doesn't always express them all well but there is a "fairness" to Hyunjin's feelings and that made the scene both intimidating and fun to write.
— In my outline, the scene of Hyunjin just firing off frustrations left and right is merely: "Hyunjin explodes."
— I wrote and rewrote and rewrote this rant, but the part I knew needed to be there from the start and the part that I didn't have to redo at all was the bit directed at Felix. Hyunjin is sort of right, here, but only sort of, and I like the tension between knowing that Felix is his own person who didn't have to take Hyunjin's advice AND Felix's position as the Harriet of the story who was only ever going to take the advice and want to please Hyunjin.
— "Sorry for making a scene. Sorry for acting like this." is pulled pretty directly from "Sorry I'm crying in public this way / Sorry for causing a scene on the plane" from the aptly named song Crying in Public by Chairlift, which got a lot of listens while I drafted this chapter.
— I had to rewrite the scene where they get back to Seungmin's apartment so many times!! It was actually the very first scene I wrote for this entire story, if you can believe it, back in 2021. In that version of the scene, the blowup before had gone differently, and Seungmin came across a lot angrier as a result. I ended up gentling it in part because Hyunjin feels bad enough already, and in part because it's closer to the end of the story/their getting together than I'd originally anticipated.
— The "ask me how I know" refrain/motif was a late addition that I wish I'd flagged earlier rather than having a few instances all toward the end, but I'm still happy with it! I guess that's just one of the perils of posting a WIP, even if the draft is almost entirely finished by the time you start posting.
— "Maybe the thing he’s been carrying this long is just pure, heavy shame." you know you're in a poppyseedheartfic when the layers all get peeled back and it's shame sitting at the bottom.
— I'm honestly proud of this whole scene where Hyunjin reflects on himself and what he wants. I think he stays in character but grows in a really clear way that tracks with his development over the course of the story. I tend to be hesitant to do a scene like that where it's just a character thinking (this is partly due to creative writing workshops I've done where that is a Sin lol) but I think I pulled it off and it felt like it had the emotional weight I needed it to. Which is a relief!
— Hyunjin assuming Felix is confessing to Seungmin is so tragicomedy. What a mess. Hyunjin you beautiful fool (the remix)
— The confession!!!! This was also an early drafted scene that got a little touch up upon revision. Hyunjin's confession to Seungmin remained pretty much untouched. And of course the iconic Knightley to Emma line, which is the most famous line from the whole book probably and which many readers picked up on. It was a little tricky to get it in without feeling corny but I think it worked and it was just a very fun nod to include. My little guys who fell in love <33 I'm so proud of them.
— This is a reminder to go read the Chanlix Airport Confession Missing Scene, written by underwaternow (who also betaed this story!), if you haven't already. It is PERFECT and charming and delightful in every way.
— Random detail, but Felix calls Chan his "favourite" happy ending in his insta post. I may be American ("favorite") but I will not sacrifice authenticity!
— I've said before in conversation that if I were to ever write a sequel or companion piece to this story, it would be Minsung in the immediate aftermath of the party in this chapter. I find their relationship really fascinating and tenuous and I'd love to look at the events of this fic from their perspectives.
— "always the tacky social media influencer in a room of supermodels, always the disappointment to his parents in a room of old money" I just love this cadence. Good job past me.
— Award for most last minute addition to this chapter goes to the Hyunchan scene towards the end here! This scene didn't exist at all until I think the night before this chapter went up. Bang Chan you are my favorite values-driven determined martyr boy. Him showing up to apologize felt really necessary, not because he needs to apologize as such but because these two really needed this talk! And language-wise, this scene is by far the one where Hyunjin is most able to see Chan as he is in the narration, and not as a summation of things Hyunjin failed in himself. Chan as foil becomes Chan as friend! Good for them.
— The beach scene at the end was actually my original epilogue! But I liked it better as part of the chapter, and I wanted the epilogue to be more lighthearted overall, and a little further out from the events of the party. Seungmin's birthday is only a week after the twins!
— "Seungmin knows him. Seungmin tells him the truth." me on a chair with a megaphone yelling the greatest measure of love is trust!!!!!
— "and thinks that he must be the type of person who, upon falling in love, stays in it forever" this was a much less iconic/obvious Emma quote, but it is one! I wanted another for the ending since it felt like a nice bookend to the story.
— Ahhhh my guys. I love them so much. I miss them! It's so weird to not be writing this story anymore. Agh. Okay onto the epilogue!
— Hehe my Seungjin. I loved writing them established in a relationship here. I love their banter and I think it's really nice to get to see them being so deeply themselves without the agony of pining that was propelling our story weighing on them.
— Also fashion week was such a big deal for Emma Hyunjin in the story! I wanted to get a chance to at least acknowledge and see him there for a bit. And let them dance. And work? I guess. Is any of this realistic, who cares.
— Hyunjin sighing happily about his boyfriend out loud to himself is so him. He's a little goofball and a total romantic! He's happy and in love!
— Obviously the dance here is a parallel to a scene in god chapter 3 I think, where they slow dance at Hyunjin's birthday party. Letting them joke about it felt healing for Hyunjin especially because that night, among many in this story, was so hard for him emotionally.
— Hyunjin paboracha leader in this universe and every other <3
— I gave Seungmin in this fic my Capricorn in Venus, which is to say that he seduces Hyunjin mostly by being emotionally intelligent and very responsible and serious about things. Hell yeah. In case you were wondering why Hyunjin keeps going oh Seungmin is so responsible <3 he takes care of me <3 all the time.
— “The best parts of me exist because I met you,” Hyunjin admits very quietly. - sorry I'm just making myself hurgle with this line. I looked over the epilogue many fewer times than any other chapter because I wrote it and threw it up in such a short span of time, so it feels fresher to me. Oh Seungjin you are so Seungjin! I tried so hard in this story to capture the dynamic in their 2kr episode which flattened me, and this line felt like a very clear connection to that.
— I really let myself go wild in these last few paragraphs on the metaphors/descriptions/figurative language, and I don't regret it! It felt like the time to wax poetic and pull out all the stops, especially since I've known from the beginning that this fic would end with social media posts.
— The Wooyoung/Changbin easter egg was for commenters who were hoping for it! I hadn't planned it but they crack me up so why not let them have a flirty moment.
— butch_sasuke_ and partylikejackson (on Jisung's post) are returning commenters!
— I did not know that the last word of this epic that I poured my heart and soul into for over a year would be DONATELLA???? but somehow, somehow it fits. Thank you to Hyunjin @ Versace for giving me this image and the last bit of inspiration to chuck myself over the finish line.
What a ride, eh? I still can't believe it's over!
It's time for my last little set of thank yous, and then I promise I will put this story to rest for real. First and foremost and forever, thank you to underwaternow and hollowcene. My betas! My legends! Who left me comments on every chapter, who sat with me over the phone and in text threads working out issues, who put up with my dorky little responses in the google docs, who said "get up queen" (paraphrasing) when I complained that I had fallen to the floor in despair and could never finish this story. Bonus shoutout to underwaternow, whose evil alter ago "abovelandthen" got a couple of cameos as a social media account, including the last line of the whole fic.
A big thank you as well to cryptonomica, averytree, and doongi for hearing out some of the earliest versions of this story, when it was still an idea and some duct tape, and for encouraging with such enthusiasm and grace. They all have also spent literal hours talking me through things, including some memorable phone calls and text threads where some of the stickiest ideas of this fic were untangled and the plot finally started to lay flat enough for me to start sewing.
There are so many other people who I am going to put into a pile in this paragraph. Forgive me and I love you. Kfic writing server you saw so many little wip posts and did so many writing and editing sprints with me! Twitter followers you sure did put up with so much whining and yelling! Friends in DMs your thoughts and encouragement kept me moving forward! Commenters who left their thoughts in some of the most generous feedback I have ever received in over a decade of posting fic, you nearly made me cry on several occasions!
This fic was a challenge to myself to write a novel length story about a messy person doing his best and falling in love. I learned so much about myself as a writer and a person along the way.
Thank you thank you thank you.
The end <3
Chapter Eleven
— I tried to work intentionally around what Hyunjin is feeling when, and how he describes those feelings. Early on in the chapter, he's really stuck in his own head and the preoccupation about the letter in his pocket keeps popping up in the narration. Interactions with other characters are largely on autopilot.— Felix pressing a kiss to Chan's cheek "like a stamp" is intentional imagery mirroring Chan's letter to him.
— The Minsung situation is legally VERY flimsy and handwave-y, but this is a romcom! And an Austen adaptation at that! I needed the focus to be on what they did to cover up their relationship, not on the ins and outs of why they needed to do it in the first place.
— Hyunjin makes a lot of mistakes in this story. His relationship with Minho is not necessarily one of them. He didn't know, and the sense of betrayal and fury is meant to be real and justified. It's MESSY. And I think anyone in his position would be acting rashly. It's a catalyst for a lot of feelings to come out and he doesn't always express them all well but there is a "fairness" to Hyunjin's feelings and that made the scene both intimidating and fun to write.
— In my outline, the scene of Hyunjin just firing off frustrations left and right is merely: "Hyunjin explodes."
— I wrote and rewrote and rewrote this rant, but the part I knew needed to be there from the start and the part that I didn't have to redo at all was the bit directed at Felix. Hyunjin is sort of right, here, but only sort of, and I like the tension between knowing that Felix is his own person who didn't have to take Hyunjin's advice AND Felix's position as the Harriet of the story who was only ever going to take the advice and want to please Hyunjin.
— "Sorry for making a scene. Sorry for acting like this." is pulled pretty directly from "Sorry I'm crying in public this way / Sorry for causing a scene on the plane" from the aptly named song Crying in Public by Chairlift, which got a lot of listens while I drafted this chapter.
— I had to rewrite the scene where they get back to Seungmin's apartment so many times!! It was actually the very first scene I wrote for this entire story, if you can believe it, back in 2021. In that version of the scene, the blowup before had gone differently, and Seungmin came across a lot angrier as a result. I ended up gentling it in part because Hyunjin feels bad enough already, and in part because it's closer to the end of the story/their getting together than I'd originally anticipated.
— The "ask me how I know" refrain/motif was a late addition that I wish I'd flagged earlier rather than having a few instances all toward the end, but I'm still happy with it! I guess that's just one of the perils of posting a WIP, even if the draft is almost entirely finished by the time you start posting.
— "Maybe the thing he’s been carrying this long is just pure, heavy shame." you know you're in a poppyseedheartfic when the layers all get peeled back and it's shame sitting at the bottom.
— I'm honestly proud of this whole scene where Hyunjin reflects on himself and what he wants. I think he stays in character but grows in a really clear way that tracks with his development over the course of the story. I tend to be hesitant to do a scene like that where it's just a character thinking (this is partly due to creative writing workshops I've done where that is a Sin lol) but I think I pulled it off and it felt like it had the emotional weight I needed it to. Which is a relief!
— Hyunjin assuming Felix is confessing to Seungmin is so tragicomedy. What a mess. Hyunjin you beautiful fool (the remix)
— The confession!!!! This was also an early drafted scene that got a little touch up upon revision. Hyunjin's confession to Seungmin remained pretty much untouched. And of course the iconic Knightley to Emma line, which is the most famous line from the whole book probably and which many readers picked up on. It was a little tricky to get it in without feeling corny but I think it worked and it was just a very fun nod to include. My little guys who fell in love <33 I'm so proud of them.
— This is a reminder to go read the Chanlix Airport Confession Missing Scene, written by underwaternow (who also betaed this story!), if you haven't already. It is PERFECT and charming and delightful in every way.
— Random detail, but Felix calls Chan his "favourite" happy ending in his insta post. I may be American ("favorite") but I will not sacrifice authenticity!
— I've said before in conversation that if I were to ever write a sequel or companion piece to this story, it would be Minsung in the immediate aftermath of the party in this chapter. I find their relationship really fascinating and tenuous and I'd love to look at the events of this fic from their perspectives.
— "always the tacky social media influencer in a room of supermodels, always the disappointment to his parents in a room of old money" I just love this cadence. Good job past me.
— Award for most last minute addition to this chapter goes to the Hyunchan scene towards the end here! This scene didn't exist at all until I think the night before this chapter went up. Bang Chan you are my favorite values-driven determined martyr boy. Him showing up to apologize felt really necessary, not because he needs to apologize as such but because these two really needed this talk! And language-wise, this scene is by far the one where Hyunjin is most able to see Chan as he is in the narration, and not as a summation of things Hyunjin failed in himself. Chan as foil becomes Chan as friend! Good for them.
— The beach scene at the end was actually my original epilogue! But I liked it better as part of the chapter, and I wanted the epilogue to be more lighthearted overall, and a little further out from the events of the party. Seungmin's birthday is only a week after the twins!
— "Seungmin knows him. Seungmin tells him the truth." me on a chair with a megaphone yelling the greatest measure of love is trust!!!!!
— "and thinks that he must be the type of person who, upon falling in love, stays in it forever" this was a much less iconic/obvious Emma quote, but it is one! I wanted another for the ending since it felt like a nice bookend to the story.
— Ahhhh my guys. I love them so much. I miss them! It's so weird to not be writing this story anymore. Agh. Okay onto the epilogue!
Epilogue
— I chewed on this epilogue for a long time! I hadn't written any of it when I posted chapter eleven, which was certainly a choice I made.— Hehe my Seungjin. I loved writing them established in a relationship here. I love their banter and I think it's really nice to get to see them being so deeply themselves without the agony of pining that was propelling our story weighing on them.
— Also fashion week was such a big deal for Emma Hyunjin in the story! I wanted to get a chance to at least acknowledge and see him there for a bit. And let them dance. And work? I guess. Is any of this realistic, who cares.
— Hyunjin sighing happily about his boyfriend out loud to himself is so him. He's a little goofball and a total romantic! He's happy and in love!
— Obviously the dance here is a parallel to a scene in god chapter 3 I think, where they slow dance at Hyunjin's birthday party. Letting them joke about it felt healing for Hyunjin especially because that night, among many in this story, was so hard for him emotionally.
— Hyunjin paboracha leader in this universe and every other <3
— I gave Seungmin in this fic my Capricorn in Venus, which is to say that he seduces Hyunjin mostly by being emotionally intelligent and very responsible and serious about things. Hell yeah. In case you were wondering why Hyunjin keeps going oh Seungmin is so responsible <3 he takes care of me <3 all the time.
— “The best parts of me exist because I met you,” Hyunjin admits very quietly. - sorry I'm just making myself hurgle with this line. I looked over the epilogue many fewer times than any other chapter because I wrote it and threw it up in such a short span of time, so it feels fresher to me. Oh Seungjin you are so Seungjin! I tried so hard in this story to capture the dynamic in their 2kr episode which flattened me, and this line felt like a very clear connection to that.
— I really let myself go wild in these last few paragraphs on the metaphors/descriptions/figurative language, and I don't regret it! It felt like the time to wax poetic and pull out all the stops, especially since I've known from the beginning that this fic would end with social media posts.
— The Wooyoung/Changbin easter egg was for commenters who were hoping for it! I hadn't planned it but they crack me up so why not let them have a flirty moment.
— butch_sasuke_ and partylikejackson (on Jisung's post) are returning commenters!
— I did not know that the last word of this epic that I poured my heart and soul into for over a year would be DONATELLA???? but somehow, somehow it fits. Thank you to Hyunjin @ Versace for giving me this image and the last bit of inspiration to chuck myself over the finish line.
What a ride, eh? I still can't believe it's over!
It's time for my last little set of thank yous, and then I promise I will put this story to rest for real. First and foremost and forever, thank you to underwaternow and hollowcene. My betas! My legends! Who left me comments on every chapter, who sat with me over the phone and in text threads working out issues, who put up with my dorky little responses in the google docs, who said "get up queen" (paraphrasing) when I complained that I had fallen to the floor in despair and could never finish this story. Bonus shoutout to underwaternow, whose evil alter ago "abovelandthen" got a couple of cameos as a social media account, including the last line of the whole fic.
A big thank you as well to cryptonomica, averytree, and doongi for hearing out some of the earliest versions of this story, when it was still an idea and some duct tape, and for encouraging with such enthusiasm and grace. They all have also spent literal hours talking me through things, including some memorable phone calls and text threads where some of the stickiest ideas of this fic were untangled and the plot finally started to lay flat enough for me to start sewing.
There are so many other people who I am going to put into a pile in this paragraph. Forgive me and I love you. Kfic writing server you saw so many little wip posts and did so many writing and editing sprints with me! Twitter followers you sure did put up with so much whining and yelling! Friends in DMs your thoughts and encouragement kept me moving forward! Commenters who left their thoughts in some of the most generous feedback I have ever received in over a decade of posting fic, you nearly made me cry on several occasions!
This fic was a challenge to myself to write a novel length story about a messy person doing his best and falling in love. I learned so much about myself as a writer and a person along the way.
Thank you thank you thank you.
The end <3
