![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
poppyseedheartHelloooooo we are nearly to the end of this journey! Can you believe it! Here are some extended notes for chapters 9 and 10, which I affectionately referred to as my "problem children" while writing. Joke's on me because the actually problem child is chapter 11, but that's fine. Neither of these ended up being too brutal or nightmarish to edit and for that I'm grateful! I also think I'm just getting better and more efficient at revising, which was a huge goal of taking on a fic this long and having undergo such intensive revision, so I'm really happy about that.
Here are some specific notes for each chapter!
Chapter 9:
Here are some specific notes for each chapter!
Chapter 9:
- finally we get to see the oak bar at millennium hilton seoul! this is a running joke with friends as i've been writing because i did so much unhinged research about what it's like to work as a bartender in korea and also about this specific bar and thought i wouldn't be able to use it (minho is not a main character!) but THEN! i added this scene in the eleventh hour. i knew i needed something else for hyunho to do together to keep their pretty flimsy relationship at least alive on paper, and hyunjin visiting minho at work felt like the perfect glamorous but ultimately uncomfortable setting. weird power dynamics while minho is working, hyunjin having internal crises left and right... yeah
- i added 2k total to this chapter before releasing it! some of that was the first scene, and the bulk of it was in the conversation with changbin. oh changbin <3 i really struggled with his arc with hyunjin! it was maybe the hardest one to pull together out of the relationship dynamics. but i'm really happy with how this one came out and how many story themes it really emphasizes: what it means to be good, the way our past can follow us around, missing the point over and over, beauty/ugliness/perceptions, etc
- for a while the changbin/hyunjin scene was literally only the line "hyung, i'm afraid i'm a really bad person" so the whole conversation was built around that moment in conjunction with what else we've gotten of them so far
- this chapter also let me plant more seunglix seeds! hyunjin is so sure they are falling in love and having a beautiful romance story together... but are they really? hmmm
- okay last interesting thing, bear with me bc this will be a long bullet point. i realized as i was going that i've been kind of writing hyunjin somewhere on the ace spectrum! i'm not tagging for it bc i feel like it's a really small part of this story (p much only acknowledged in this convo with felix and one other point later) and because i didn't do it intentionally really, but i was thinking about how he's young and beautiful and his relationship with minho is really chaste. they don't even kiss! and when he daydreams about seungmin so often it's about emotional intimacy. this is a very personal depiction of relationship and sexuality and not one i wanted to delve all the way into in this story, but it has shaped the way i revised the chapters up to this point and the way i think of hyunjin as a character. i think it also meshes well with the idea of his grandstanding. he needs to portray a perfect version of himself as much as possible, but in reality is quite shy and nervous and frightened of true intimacy. what if someone sees the real him? (what if they already have??) maybe someday i'll return to this theme in a different story with a different point, but for now this is kind of an underscore on his character and it's been really interesting for me to explore.
- a lot of scenes in here are ones i wrote very early on in the story and had to overhaul—except for chan's letter, which has remained more or less in this exact form since about 18 months ago! wow! it really guided their romantic arc, which is absent for a lot of this story because hyunjin isn't watching for it, but is certainly there. i love them
- this chapter is also where hyunjin works on making amends, more than any other chapter
- he's trying! he's doing his best!
- by this point in the story a lot of his influencer friends and activities have fallen out of the forefront. he's busier than ever with work, but his story is extremely focused on his non-famous friends and family and his relaitonships with them. i wanted to do this because it shows hyunjin's character growth on a more subconscious level.
- like, the guy is emma. if you were reading this story hoping that he'd finish it a capital G Good Person who knows what he's done wrong completely and fully repents and redeems himself to everyone he's ever hurt... then i'm sorry if i set up unrealistic expectations! he's gonna be imperfect. he's gonna be selfish. he's gonna learn the wrong lessons over and over. this story is about growth but it's not about getting to a Healed place necessarily. more than anything it's about bringing the ugly stuff to the light and really looking at it for the first time.
- anyway that's my spiel because my readers have been so amazing (thank you truly i love u). i was so nervous people would dislike hyunjin or be sick of him by nearly 100k in, but he's my little guy who's a hot mess and is trying to do better, and that's the most we can ask of him
- i mean i guess i could ask more as the literal author but u know what i mean
- other notable edits: hyunjin getting a new outfit in the olympic park photoshoot scene to match the picture i wanted to use, hyunjin finishing the chapter by shoving the card in his pocket (are u out of your mind king) (yes he is)